her/she was drab faded out
yellow like a scorched july sky
just fores it rains & rinses
away the hint of brown from the smog
-on not bein, mary hope lee
I wish I knew what my Ethnicity is. I wish I were darker. No jk, I wish I were lighter. I want to grow lighter and lighter until I am invisible, and I disappear from this earth entirely, I never was allowed to sunbathe as a child. It would only make the symptoms worse. Sometimes I worry that I have made myself up entirely. In certain photos my skin is the colour of milk, rotten milk. Spoiled milk that you would want to throw in the bin. But milk nonetheless. On these days I wonder how un-white I really am. But I wasn’t the one who started all this business. No. I did not have An Ethnicity until nice white ladies wanted to know if I was Mama’s sponsor child. I live a girl’s life but I am not a girl. I live a white life but I am not white.
-something I wrote a few months ago...
Mixed girl feelz on whiteness, white passing, light skinned privilege, colorism, first world mothers and third world daddies, sexualisation of mixed girls, being an ugly mixed girl, being a pretty mixed girl, white girl femininity born from brown masculinity and wondering whether I can truly 'get' my identity if I can't even spell my fathers first name.
p.s had this post in my drafts for a while but finally decided to post it after reading Tabitha's wonderful post on identity and white privilege
Ana Mendieta, Untitled (Blood and Feathers #2), 'I crossed the color line' also known as the Black Klansman (1966), Photograph of Nella Larsen (author of the novel 'Passing), A Redenção de Cam (The Redemption of Ham) by the Spanish artist Modesto Brocos (1895) [more information about the racist ideology and glorification of whiteness of this painting here], Firelei Báez, Can I Pass? Introducing the Paper Bag to The Fan Test for the Month of December, 31 individual self-portrait silhouettes, configured in a 31 day calendar grid, 2010, Gouache, ink and graphite on paper, 108 x 84 inches, pulp novel cover, from Jim Crow Museum of Racist Memoribillia, Gordon Parks, Dr. Kenneth B. Clark conducting the Doll Test, Harlem, New York, 1947