Saturday, 24 January 2015

Eggs! Eggs! Eggs!

[cw: gifs and also food]

The Guardian claimed the colour of the 'noughties' (a term as cringe-worthy and affected as the 'millennial') was....wait for it.... 
grey.

 A statement though not entirely persuasive (despite the evidence of the shiny silver macbook pro and what not to suggest otherwise)...I mean I don't give too much weight to colour theory, so shifting...and so creepy...even if it is fun to think about, and the simplistic unity of a generation as disparate as this one is not gonna happen. 


BUT. SAYING THAT.

If we are going for definitive...stuff we could talk about something more fun! Like say...food?? I love food, I love reading about food, I like food shaped items, food themed kitsch, I am a recovering anorexic so am perhaps (ok i am) unhealthily obsessed with food. And if by broadsheet standards the food-y manifestation of pre-recession Britain (and perhaps the US too) was the cupcake, ornate! Useless! The kind of creation that would order one of those organic food baskets back in 2006! (Wait the cupcake is ordering food how does this analogy work??) 

Okay, ahem moving on.

The food of recession, the incarnation of a collective ideology of dorks who spend way too much time on tumblr and not enough time outside (or is that just me?) is....


(drum roll please)....


--**--THE EGG--**--






(the fried egg if you want to be specific)


Gif from the blog egg aesthetic (which yes I am absolutely obsessed with, also isn't this gif hypnotic as well as kind of gross?...visceral??)

The egg is the daisy of the food world, the white wall gallery of the English fry up, it is a gloopy and blobby, a protein rich incarnation of my suicidal ideation, eggs are cheap...and a bit shit (like me). The egg is white (and the catwalks love the colour white), the egg looks good on a 'pale' blog, the egg looks good alongside the word aesthetic. Fuck! a fried egg is the living, wibbly wobbly incarnation of the word aesthetic! It is the glow cloud that Cecil says "all hail" to. The egg is deadpan. The egg is distant. The egg has multiple tumblr followers and reblogs multiples pictures of plants. The egg liked that Blood Orange album you just couldn't get into. The egg's image is sold in a bunch of accessories but it's not gonna sue like Rihanna coz it's too lazy (and broke) to get a lawyer.



Carole Itter, Raw Egg Costume1974, again from that glorious egg blog!!


The egg is unemployed.
x
And is currently housed in their childhood bedroom.


x
(Face down on the floor)
x
The egg is a fuck up but is fun to get high with

Like super fun


The egg makes bad choices
x*
And does not eat enough fruit and vegetables

* another time can we talk about the fact this a buzzfeed post written by the cheese cake factory???

The episode of Grandma's house where Simon Amstell writes a crappy existential play about eggs is a good example of the egg mentality.

Though of course none can compare to:






-*-GUDETAMA-*-


x


Gudetama is to Milk Teeth what Chansey is to Doll Hospital


I mean the dude pretty much has no will to live



He can't even get out of bed


And I appreciate that




I feel that


x

So sorry Lena D you've been trumped twice, coz if Polar Bear Cafe is the only show that I'm -*-*-vaguely ok-*-*- describing as millenial (I SAID VAGUELY) then Gudetama is a fucking voice of a generation lol.




Allen Ginsberg style.

But, y'kno not a terrible human being.

(More of a hopeless egg)

Friday, 23 January 2015

I want a hand bag named after me

Or failing that a disease
Preferably fatal
It's nice to have an impact.

An advert printed in a paper

You're going to lose friends
(But also hair)
Mostly friends
(But also hair)

Thursday, 22 January 2015

Man Walks Into Bear While Texting: Or Music Movie Montage Mood Board Moments

“...as if Hollywood were the name of the enchanted forest where you lose yourself and find yourself, again; the wood that changes you; the wood where you go mad; the wood where the shadows life longer than you do.” 
― Angela Carter




Wednesday, 21 January 2015

5 Centimeters Per Second

"Useless/
only able to narrate/
and not to help"
-WTNV




Avon Calling! Novelty 1970s Make Up Appreciation Post

Okay. So my current make up obsession is not of the cool-cult Nars variety, I've been obsessively googling the earnest and original designs that Avon popped out in the 60-90s, this stuff is so great! The affected kitsch of Soap and Glory and Benefit feels rather flat in contrast to the pure, uninhibited creativity that underpins the thought process of the release of a fried egg lip gloss (I kno! more on that later!) It just doesn't have the same imagination, the same JOY y'kno?

Many of these images are from this great blog post, whilst the rest are from late night Pinterest marathons and old Etsy listings.

But seriously this isn't just me being a weird. I have EVIDENCE.

Okay first the ad campaigns!

I mean these spreads are worthy of any museum: 


Speaking of which...did you know there's an ACTUAL lipstick museum in Berlin?! 





Have to go! Have to go!


Some of them are just simply lovely, like this poster printed in Ebony Magazine in April 1971
(found on this wonderful flickr account)

And some of them are kinda trippy like this "beautiful illusion" spread from August 1966! "Beautiful illusion" isn't that such a poetic description? And the image reminds me of Pipilotti Rist which is just an additional layer of ace. 
And THIS space one from the 60s, space girls and moisturiser??? This is too much!! I love their giant helmets paired with the idea of tactile intimacy!

This is just so classic, the nails and the lips, the eyebrows, the pink, it looks like a memory, a dream, a david lynch montage.


Speaking of movies the theatrics of this one is great.

The tag Sweet Honesty, an early ancestor to no make up make up, norm core feels?
1976 advert for 'Sweet Honesty cologne': "It's down to earth but heavenly" again with the no make up make up undertones!


MOON WIND! The Most 1970s name ever??
I love the connection between the Avon lady and her client, there's so much trust, this woman who let another, basic stranger in her home, in her room maybe, let her recommend all this intimate things, touch her face, her hair, her eyelids, this intense silent friendship. 

This is so Glinda the Good Witch, make up magic.


This shoot is my favourite I think, these magical bottles, floating across the air, I wonder if Tim Walker has seen this photo? Wes Anderson before he made the Prada movie?


No wait. THIS IS MY FAVOURITE.
Isn't it just so.....dystopian???
This blurry overlord with her triangle of cosmetics?!

BUT WAIT. IT GETS BETTER

WE HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED ON LIP GLOSSES YET....




EGG LIP GLOSS
EGG. LIP. GLOSS.
*SCREAMS*
EGG LIPGLOSS IS EVERYTHING
*SCREAMS*
ALL HAIL THE EGG LIP GLOSS


this lip gloss is reminds me of Dali's sofa:

 the erotics of the everyday



Penny lip gloss! Capitalism and desire, and how mean boys call girls 'cheap', 'cheap' for wearing too much make up (I have been told I wear too much make up) boys can be gross.



These cookies ones should be paired with a movie montage soundtrack and shiny sticker skates. and roller skates. pink roller skates. with unicorns on. I bet the Lisbon sisters used these lip glosses, 

Some of Avon's stuff is kinda weird though:





I mean, this "glow worm" lip gloss is just plain creepy  lol


And this peanut one is.....peculiar
cherry cola lip balm and lipstick for intense make out to the soundtrack of lana del rey sessions

Isn't this slide out compact GENIUS, I adore food kitsch so so much, the chewing gum one is SO GREAT, who designed these??? how can I befriend them??
This is cute too! The packaging is so Willy Wonka


This was the least colonial of the 'It's a Small World' cosmetics output lol
This reminds me of Kailey's blog Mermaidens, are you in love with her blog? I am definitely in love with her blog. It's like living inside an icecream palour which is a very good thing indeed.

I love strawberry themed stuff (my animal crossing person has a strawberry hat and they look SO CUTE) and the way it flips up like the box an engagement ring! Brilliant!
before Clinique chubby sticks there was crayon lipgloss!!! 

And to end on a lip stick high note.....


***TEEN MAGIC!!!!!***

The sun tan lotions are amazing also??? 


I mean look at the packaging!!!


Also novelty soap!!


pineapple soap!

melon bar soap! Isn't it amazing to think of someone putting out tiny soap balls shaped like little melons for their house guests? That's dedication.


weird gross looking 1980s soap on a rope, that isn't a THING anymore is it? when did it stop being a thing? why did it start being a thing? what is the rope for?

this one is from 1969 and is so 1960s it is quite charming even tho it is kind of gross, the flesh tones of the soap kinda freak me out tbh.

Okay... moving on to....

***PERFUME!***


Okay this is definitely the most Virgin Suicide item in this entire post and that is saying something, it is so Lux, she probably wore this to her prom.
This one comes in a close second for Virgin Sucides vibes tho

This is 1970s lamp perfume feels less Lisbon sisters, but more the Lisbon house itself, stale popcorn smell.

I have nothing interesting to say about this 1970s honey bee one i just really like bee themed stuff lol.


This is apparently perfume also! I have no idea how or what or why but look at the upside down icecream cone!! what a lil beauty!



Okay this section is entirely dedicated to the Anchorman aesthetics of these hilarious men's cologne packaging:

1977 cologne lantern, the dudes on the packaging!!!!
"Alaskan Moose Deep Woods" *screams* 
SMOKING PIPE COLOGNE

1963 ad proving that men's beauty products didn't start with that whole 'metrosexual' thing in the 90s

Okay! Last part! This isn't really make up, but these accessories are so cute I can't not include them y'kno???



PERF!!!!!

*Veruce Salt voice*

I

WANT

IT 

ALLLL!!!