Saturday, 13 December 2014

Swans and Roses: 3 Years

I'm feeling a bit 'meh' about the internet right now tbh: the relationship between writing and crappy capitalist systems where think pieces are pay per click, and outrage is carefully constructed(the weird hypocrisy of it all). I'm bored of think pieces and websites and just everything! It all feels so toxic. I love writing but I don't want to be (inadvertently or otherwise) part of such a horrible culture. I'm not sure what this means for my writing. Maybe I will just write for me, and a small circle of people who share my world. I think I would like that. 


My blog is going to be three years old next month and as I gain more experience I recognise the corruption and abuse behind so called 'enlightened' circles and it disgusts me. 

Language has always been an important way to express myself, as someone with learning difficulties who struggled with my speech until my teens getting words to do what I want means the world, because it means I can create a world. 

But I question if online writing is always a good place for this? I have no intention of replacing a hostile irl world for a virtual one. That would be silly.

This was not a cryptic 'I am quitting blogging' kind of post, but I might take more internet breaks and make less internet based work for my own mental health, I'm just thinking out loud I guess. 

But yeah enough of this introspective nonsense! Let's mood board!!

I hope you bbs are well and safe and warm, I love you lots even though sometimes I feel like I'm talking to myself on here haha,

Love Beth


dolce and gabbana f/w 2014, Lora Hristova, Self-Portrait (Money Shot), 2011, thousands of ice sculptures left to thaw in the sun, Nele Azeved Kyary, Viktor and Rolf, Mary Kate and Ashley, can’t go home, angels ribĂ©, 1977 John Baldessarri: In 1970, John Baldessari cremated all his paintings, baking some of the ashes into cookies. Documented as a cutoff point in his career by the photo piece “The Cremation Project.”


  1. potatoes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. I completely understand what you mean at the beginning of the entry, I ended up starting a second blog just where I post my thoughts for myself as I got fed up of feeling like I had to censor my experiences and emotions for my safety because people can be so aggressively ignorant. I get tired of reading things and not being sure if the writer actually means what they say, or is it sponsored and they don't actually care at all? It can all be so murky and disheartening. It's one of the reasons I love your blog so much, your entries are always so real.

    1. Aww thank you so much, that really means a lot! And yes I feel you, I get so confused and tired by it all :/

      I always saw writing as like my main 'thing' but when I see how writing operates in online spaces, like what you said about the necessity of censorship, censoring the actually important things or facing outright hostility, it's just too much! I don't think I'm cut out for it!!

      And yes absolutely about the uncertainty of sincerity, I mean I love unreliable narrators, but when it seems that everyone has the same view on one thing, aside from the token think piece (which again reads the same across the board, and often seems to prop up rather than challenge ruling belief systems) well I might as well just be reading a press release right??

      Idk i feel like, for me anyway, writing comes from feeling you need to urgently express something right this instance however confusing or gross or embarassing, and perhaps with the devaluation of labour in the creative industry that has gone a bit wonky...

      Right now I feel like I'm only really interested in reading a few circle of blogs, and contributing to this blog and of course Doll Hospital, everything else seems to be a bit dodgy for the ol' mental health quite frankly!!