Tuesday, 14 April 2015

Jesse Pinkman Fanclub

"Jesse is Shakespeare-level tragedy. He's not meant to be part of the world to which he belongs. How Jesse came to be a burnout riddled with substance-abuse problems exists beyond the realm of the show. When we first meet him, during Walt's ride-along with Hank in the show's pilot, he's clad in nothing but red briefs, tumbling off a roof and onto the lawn of a house being infiltrated by the DEA. In introducing him this way, Vince Gilligan offers a peek at what we'll see Jesse do consistently over the course of the series: fall to his knees, often awash in a stream of blood just a few shades darker than the underwear we first saw him in.

What eventually happens -- what quickly happens, really -- is we learn that the expectations for these two characters have been reversed. Jesse may be a meth head, but we realize it's a propensity he's convinced himself of by way of his surroundings, not one that's ingrained in him the way he'd like people to believe. Walt, on the other hand, is a natural fit. He had Heisenberg in him, somewhere, long before leaving the classroom behind. He, too, is a victim of his circumstances. Just as Jesse is told, by his own parents even, that he is unworthy, Walt is perhaps told he is too worthy, thereby prompting him to fear failure or even risk. Jesse is no villainous hero because, at his core, he is no villain. He's done despicable deeds, sure, some without remorse. But with his pain -- the agony of losing loved ones and watching innocent children suffer -- comes the confirmation that this isn't his true self. It's not the Jesse Pinkman he hoped to be when he appreciated selling meth because it felt like he had a hand in making "art."


"In the first three seasons of the AMC series “Breaking Bad,” Aaron Paul — or rather, his meth-dealing character, Jesse Pinkman — has been slapped, mauled and beaten purple by, respectively, a hit man, a sociopath and a federal drug-enforcement agent. If he were a piƱata, the candy would have poured out of this guy long ago."

I have a lot of feelings about Jesse Pinkman from breaking bad.

I can relate to him in a way everyone thinks I'm joking as, objectively, we have nothing in common.

But equally I kinda feel like we are the same person?

But I have a problem with disassociation so...

But, alongside Charlie in its always sunny in Philadelphia, this is one in a short list of questionable white dude I relate to deeply in terms of trauma.

Also y'kno I guess visuals are more intimate led face down, laptop on chest.

Also, also, all this respectability in mental health stuff, all white teeth and professional head shots and twitter ticks makes me want to be more straight up in terms of how much of a crappy mental health person i am.

(there is a border between mental illness and mental health advocate and I'm the first one)

 in terms of psychosis. substance use. 


(abbreviate it and it seems less scary-magic word spells)

and Jesse is good at language, pure with language:

"You got me riding shotgun 
to every dark anal recess
 of this state."

He shines into my enthusiasm for the colour yellow:

And this scene, foundation on purple eye,  yellow jacket, black and yellow hat, scabby psychosis for dinner, is the manifestation, incarnation on my bad mad mental health:

But most importantly and most spoiler alertly coming up in 1-2-3.....

He survives.

He likes yellow.

Wants to make art but actually makes meth.

And survives.

And that is a good enough reason for me to survive too tbh.

Here is playlist for pinkman who is 25, and I'm 23 and that means I'm not going to die so yay!

loaded, primal scream
cough syrup, butthole surfers
i don't want my body, the piranhas
I had lost my mind, daniel johnston
  her eyes are a blue million miles, captain beefheart
negative creep, nirvana
who was in my room last night, butthole surfers
song against sex, neutral milk hotel
alone again, naturally, gilbert o'sullivan
out on the weekend, neil young
lake of fire, nirvana
slow dog, belly
once in a life time, talking heads

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